I truly wanted to commit to at least one entry every week, and you would be shocked to see my portfolio of drafts, but none of those seemed to fit for today. So here I am, writing about nothing really, just checking in with everyone.
Not to make excuses, but to make excuses (ha!) between Thanksgiving week, the end of sports every day (thank God!), trying to get family photos done, regular life with Griffin and the family and the house, and dealing with the nitty-gritty stuff of building your own website and blog that I am completely learning on the fly and as I go so it takes exponentially more time than it probably should (like SEO, privacy policies, lightboxes, and affiliate opportunities)...I do not have a lot of inspiration this week. So I'm just writing in between all the morning rituals and seeing where it goes. Should be interesting.
On that note, it's time to make the formula and start a feed for Griffin, hold that thought....
Annnnnd over an hour later, I'm back. Making formula led to drawing up meds, which is where I always do my best thinking and formulate a plan for the day, which then led to remembering I needed to call the insurance company with an update, but of course, their wait times are horrendous so I elected to have them call me back, which then led me back to finishing his medications, where I noticed his Diuril is almost out, so then a phone call to the pharmacy. Another cup of coffee sounded really good at this point, and then my sister-in-law called for a quick catch-up, and then I had to finish the meds. Griffin's feed was done at this juncture and he started scratching himself (one of his sensory outputs) so time for layers of clothing and lotion....now the insurance company is calling me back...
Ok that was easier than I thought it would be, but now I've completely lost my train of thought, so there's that. At least now you know you're not alone in the chaos and discord that life now is with a medically complex kid!
Let me tell you, I struggle with that SO much. I am a (or maybe now I can categorize myself as on the verge of was) super type-A personality and recovering control freak, so starting something and being interrupted or unable to finish it in one fell swoop bothers me to a degree I really cannot express adequately to you, and which is wholly irrational. I'm working on it though. Kids like Griffin will cure you of a lot of your bad habits and tendencies, as well as relax you to the point of forgetting your bra most days, opting for sweats over jeans and dry shampoo over washing your hair, as well as fully embracing the life motto of "it will still be there tomorrow". I don't know if anyone reading this has ever watched the show Speechless with Minnie Driver, but that pretty much sums me up at this point. A little crazy, never entirely put together, dignity is damned - but I've got my family covered and put together, and heaven help the person who stands in my way while making sure they get what they need when they need it....as well as anyone who makes my day even remotely more difficult. You have been fairly warned.
I just remembered that the Google AdSense banners are not showing up on the page, so I need to do that today too. Don't ask me why that just popped into my head. But I digress.
Back to the original point. Maybe some questions for you all in similar situations: we all have bills to pay, so what is your hustle and how do you fit it in with your child's extensive needs? Do you still work at your former job? Did you find something new? Do you require a nanny or someone to watch your kid, and if so, how do you ensure they are capable of caring for your child appropriately? Where do you fit sleep and self-care into all of that? If you could be doing anything, or have your life look a certain way, what would those be? Do you struggle with all the changes?
This has always been my dream. As I am unable to go back to work any time in the near future, and I certainly can't find anything that's going to pay well enough to afford the kind of nanny I would need for Griffin, I've pretty much got nothing left to lose there. So, taking the plunge and trying out writing for some kind of side hustle (dare I dream maybe even a full blow living?!) was the obvious choice.
Why does it take something major and unavoidable to make us finally brave enough to follow our dreams, or relax and enjoy life as we should? Why are we so uptight until life leaves us no other choice but to live and let go?
We, humans, are funny like that I guess.
I'm not sure that any of this makes any sense or is very cohesive as I have been trying to get it read through, edited, and published now for the past 2 hours in between phone calls, applications, and chores. But in the spirit of all I have talked about, letting go, and so I can just sit and enjoy my kids for the afternoon rather than work and stress like I have been the past few days getting all this set up, I'm just hitting the publish button. It might read like a crazy person wrote it (which is probably redundant to say at this point) and it might have a ton of grammatical errors and misspelled words, but, if nothing else, at least now you know you're not alone and not the only one whose life is completely disjointed and chaotic; and if you're not in my boat, you can feel even better about your day! Haha
We have to stick together, after all.
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