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Writer's pictureJess @ Life in Griffinland

2022: Our Year in Review

Charles Dickens's first paragraph in A Tale of Two Cities is what keeps running through my mind as I try to summarize the past year for us.


"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to Heaven, we were all going direct the other way--in short, the period was so far like the present period that some of its noisiest authorities insisted on its being received, for good or for evil, in the superlative degree of comparison only."

I think there's a subconscious and, quite frankly, a ludicrous expectation that when we wrap up a year and look forward to the next we're going to have either a) all these nothing-but-wonderful things to say about what's happened as we circled the sun one more time, or b) nothing but bad news to report because the year had a heavy overtone of drama and heartache and it can burn in a fire for all we care.


But Dickens had it perfectly right in that first line, and I have a newfound appreciation and understanding of the words that I had always admired and appreciated but I never really understood until now, because life is just all the things all at once, and the overall outlook on it is the one we choose.


For yet another year I can honestly say it really wasn't "our year" as people like to phrase it, but depending on how I chose to look at it that day, it wasn't the worst year either. It was truly just one giant mixed bag of good and terrible, many different shades of gray, and a lot of new learning curves or growing further through the ones we had already had handed to us the year before. Life seems constantly colored in contrast, and the word 'but' seems to be my constant companion, following almost every sentence I speak anymore (and I absolutely loathe that word, for the record).


So I guess I need to take a page from Mr. Dickens.


We avoided any "major" surgeries with Griffin this past year, which was amazing! We had two heart caths, one was regularly scheduled for this past April to be done with his GI surgeries to repair his hernias and place his gtube (although the first time we scheduled it and drove to Salt Lake we turned around two days later and came home when we discovered he had rhinovirus, so that one didn't actually happen until June), and one was more emergent and resulted in a life flight a week early from the originally scheduled procedure when we took him in Thanksgiving evening for increased work of breathing. We only had one hospitalization for an unexpected illness that was nothing too major and did not require very long of a stay, and we are so grateful for that. The most recent heart cath was a mixed bag of results: his right pulmonary artery that was stented back in June with his last heart cath stayed open beautifully and is growing nicely, but now his left pulmonary artery is stenosed and did not want to be ballooned open very well. We also seem to be chasing the stenosis in his aorta with each heart cath, as more stents will be placed and subsequently the stenosis will reoccur just after those stents end. His heart cath surgeon informed us that with four stents already placed and no real resolution seeming to come from them, we will eventually hit a wall if progress does not start being made soon, and once again we had doctors with sad eyes and little hope staring back at us. To say that was hard to hear and that this is a difficult place to find ourselves in again is a gross understatement. They suggested trying a medication used in children with Pulmonary Hypertension who have the same form of tissue hyperplasia in their veins as Griffin has in his aorta and other arteries as a new possible intervention. However, after serious side effects and reaching out to the experts who already found it to be ineffective, we discontinued that. So, now we are once again reaching out to the experts at Stanford as well as his team in Salt Lake to see if/when/how another major surgery might benefit him and when a good time to pursue that would be - and we are continuing to learn the art of radical acceptance, ultimate faith, and fiercely hoping. In other, more fun, news he started crawling in October and we discovered after buying him a rocking horse for Christmas that the child is a born cowboy! He also now has about six words he uses regularly and most recently added the words mama (FINALLY!) and icky to his vocabulary, he knows and uses the sign for more, and he still has the most glorious smile that brightens everyone's day.


On March 20th we found out very unexpectedly we were expecting our third child. That was a lot to process so soon after Griffin and such as he is, and honestly, I wasn't quite sure about any of it. I'm happy to report, though, that once we settled into the idea we were over the moon (made even more so after we found out in May that we would be having our girl). We eagerly anticipated her arrival while going through the motions with Griffin's schedule and enjoying a "normal" pregnancy, and then in June, we all (save for Urijah) got Covid. After that, she started measuring small so we began weekly checks on her growth to be sure everything was ok. On August 10th I went in for a routine check to learn that somehow despite no rupture or leak I had almost no amniotic fluid and was admitted to the hospital. We made it two more weeks on bed rest and continuous monitoring, and my wonderful husband manning the fort and other two kids all by himself for the most part, before our tiny but mighty Reagan Elora was born via emergency c-section at 1 pound 9 ounces and 27 weeks gestation. Despite being a micro preemie, she only remained in the NICU for 99 days and did amazingly with no real complications. Her genetics are all as they should be, and other than a small PFO in her heart that appears so far to be closing on its own, she's in perfect health and developing normally for her adjusted age. It took us 2 days to come up with her name, and she's got a plethora of nicknames at this point: Sassafrass, Princess Fireball, Squirrel, and Reagy. She recently started smiling, adores watching her big brothers and animals play, coos constantly, and is eating us out of house and home (her last weight was 9 pounds 9 ounces and we couldn't love her double chin or rolls more!)


Urijah is, as always, the best oldest child we could have asked for. He is so much help with his siblings (he's even learned to hook up the feeding bag to his brother's gtube and run the pump), is loving the mountain and snowboarding this season, went out for wrestling this past fall again and plans to give basketball a try this winter, has taught himself to play the guitar, continues to play viola in his school's orchestra, and is a great friend and student (the latter only when he wants to be though haha). Despite the continued chaos, immense changes, and big asks that keep coming at him he remains patient, loyal, compassionate, and almost always in good humor. We will never be able to tell him enough just how grateful for and proud of him we are - but we'll spend every day trying (even when he's being a moody teenager). Oh, and he's almost 3 inches taller than me now which he loves to point out at every opportunity.


Jeremy started his handyman business back up at the end of summer and got into anchoring and setting mobile office buildings, and he's loving what he's doing. I did some freelance writing jobs while I worked for a hospital-at-home company (from home myself), and that was amazing while trying to take care of Griffin and do hospital visits and doctor's appointments, and now I'm doing the full-time mom gig with some writing on the side. We were sponsored by St Luke's NICU for Christmas which was such a huge blessing and we cannot wait to pay it forward. We celebrated Griffin's big first birthday which was beyond wonderful and a very joyous celebration. We lost our dogs which was devastating, and then through the kindness of many strangers looking out, offering us tips, and searching themselves we were blissfully reunited with both of them. We celebrated Urijah officially becoming a teenager. We went through two more car debacles before we finally found what seems to be a solid family vehicle. We got Griffin to eat food with his mouth, and then he decided he was actually not about it at all when his pressures started to get worse again; this was also the case with his supplemental oxygen need; and he was blessed to get his AFOs stander, and helmet to help with various developmental milestones and hurdles. We also put our house on the market and almost moved to Arizona in August when Reagan decided she was too excited to wait and join us, so obviously, that didn't happen and we are still in Idaho for the time being with no plans to move at this point. We were blessed with the gift of family photos which was something we weren't always sure we would be able to get with Griffin, and we had a blast trying to get a new one with Reagan at Christmas on our own (which was no small feat let me tell you - we will be seeking professional help come spring haha).


And I think that's the whole of it - it was a big, vast, jam-packed year. Honestly, I had to look at Facebook and my calendar to remember it all because this year felt like it should have been at least two.


Yet, in the midst of all that muchness, there was so much laughter, new life, new growth, milestones, so much love, more joy, and every other beautiful thing I can think of that I never expected or had a right to ask for. The struggles made the easiness that much sweeter, the heartache made the joy more profound, and the worry and doubt made the wins just that much bigger.


So, it was definitely some worst of times I would not care to revisit anytime soon this past year, I can't say 2022 was my most favorite year, but it was also truly so many of the best of times and I didn't hate it either.


We grew, we loved, we laughed, and we lived every moment to the absolute fullest we could, cherishing and savoring all of it, and we got another year together with a whole new addition to our family that absolutely completed it.


I'm not sure you can ask for much more than that.




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